RSVP Montgomery

A Hitchhiker’s Mini Guide to the Single’s Galaxy

MAY/JUNE 2012

Mark Anderson
I thoroughly enjoy being single (despite the fact that a number of girls currently reading this have just begun composing a comprehensive mental list of the reasons I am still single). I enjoy this phase of life because I accept “single” for what it is and make the best of it.

Being single is a state of transition since, almost by definition, you are out there actively trying to no longer be single. Nevertheless, far too many people I know act as if this is their time in purgatory. They either mope around at home doing nothing, jump into the first relationship that comes along or, even worse, become so lonely that they dip into the old recycling bin of failed relationships because “it just may work out this time,” or “he really has changed.” It won’t, and he hasn’t. Speaking from experience, this does not work and you will end up repeating the same cycle.

Some time ago, a great friend of mine gave me what I consider to be two excellent, yet simple rules to avoid becoming stuck in a singles rut:

1. Never turn down a reasonable invitation.

*Just a note from personal experience with this one though—being willing to try something new is great, but pay attention. Otherwise, by not reading the description of the “Singles Event,” you may very well end up as I did at “Our monthly gathering for senior singles 65 and up.”

2. Try to host some sort of gathering at least once a month.

The key here is having the optimism and courage to put yourself out there a bit. Get out of your rut! The more you do it, the easier it becomes. You don’t have to throw some epic party or keep someone company at the DMV. All it takes is just getting a few friends together for dinner or not skipping a party just because you’re afraid you won’t know many people. You really never know when or where you will meet someone new. It is, however, much more likely that it will happen at a new event or a new venue than on that same stool at that same bar in that same town (and definitely not at home on the couch). Remember—nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I have added one more simple rule to the those initially provided by my friend:
3. LAY OFF THE DRAMA!

While I certainly understand how the single life can be quite frustrating at times, being melodramatic about it isn’t going to improve the situation. It drives people away. Maybe William Shakespeare could compose an angst-ridden Facebook status update that would help matters, but I am certain you can’t. Since most of us are looking for “the one,” rejection is simply a mathematical fact. Look at it as progress and not failure. You have eliminated one more person who isn’t right for you on your way to the one who will be. If someone you are interested in doesn’t reciprocate those feelings, you certainly will not change that by acting like a fool. Do your best to move on and stay friends. It feels good to be the bigger person, and a year later, you will probably be rather pleased that you did not send the 387 “why don’t you love me” themed text messages you were considering at the time.

It’s never easy to try new things. It’s even harder to be patient. But life is better if you stay positive, put yourself out there more and most of all, have a good time! In the meantime, here are a few things to keep in mind:

Top 10 reasons it’s awesome to be a bachelorette
10. There is an 87.6 percent chance that there is some sucker within 20 feet of you willing to buy you a drink at any given time.
9. “Heading to the gym after work” is not code for sneaking off for a beer (single guys have been known to actually work out).
8. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
7. Date night almost never involves a Groupon.
6. You may actually hear the words “Sure, I’d love to drive you to Atlanta for a shopping trip.”
5. You have finally learned that, sadly, all men are created equal.
4. You will never come home to find one of your girlfriends asleep on the couch “watching” football.
3. Bachelorettes don’t have mother-in-laws.
2. Dogs are friendly, attentive, like to cuddle and only chase other cars.
1. Did I mention the free drinks?

Top 10 reasons it’s awesome to be a bachelor
10. The “fresh produce” drawer in your refrigerator stores beer at the absolute perfect temperature.
9. Your bros will never ask you “do I look fat in this?”
8. You’re completely unfamiliar with that heart-stopping fear that occurs upon first discovering your girlfriend’s Pinterest wedding board.
7. Zero instances of explaining why you are wearing “that” shirt with “those” pants.
6. Grabbing a beer with the boys doesn’t require a covert operation.
5. No one in your life will wish to discuss the position in which you left the toilet seat.
4. Under no circumstances will you be required to watch a television program that involves any type of singing or dancing.
3. There is no threat that anyone you know will ask you “where is this relationship going?”
2. Bachelors don’t have mother-in-laws.
1. The only reason for saving up two months salary is “Vegas Baby!”

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