In the Search for Love, Do We Value Our Values?
According to a quote from Roy Disney (Walt’s older brother and financier), "It's not hard to make decisions when you know your values." I wonder if Disney believes this is always true, even in matters of the heart. Obviously, having values implies we have a personal code of ethics – a way of deciphering right and wrong. And sure, we all like to think we have values. Who wants to admit they don’t have a sense of right or wrong? But when it comes to love, I bet we’ve all had friends who lost sight of their values. Maybe it’s even happened to us. Sometimes finding someone we think is perfect causes the line between what’s right and wrong to blur, and we find ourselves reasoning our values away.
But let’s be honest. Values guide us down our life’s path. They give us a moral compass, a sense of self-respect and sometimes, they get us out of sticky situations. That’s why it’s important to have a list of values we hold dear and true; values we won’t compromise – not even for love. Shouldn’t our values be like our goals in life? I know many people who write down their goals and keep them close by as a reminder. As silly as it might sound, maybe our values deserve the same respect and attention.
As singles, we are all searching for companionship, romance and respect. We wanted to find out just how much values factor into that search. As Meatloaf sings, “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.” We asked area singles how they would define “that.” Read on for their interesting insight:
I won’t ask someone to change. Genuine, authentic change must always stem from the self, otherwise it’s counterfeit.
I won’t change who I am.
Love can take you to extremes, but I would never attempt to do something out of my sanity zone. If it’s good enough for the show “Fear Factor,” I might have to rethink the “love” thing.
I would never pursue a relationship with a friend’s husband or ex-husband, nor would I pursue a relationship with one of my ex’s close friends or co-workers. Ever. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so pass on this one. Selfish ambition or your need for an ego boost isn’t worth the pain that betrayal will cause. -Kim T.
I am a huge pet lover, so if a woman doesn’t like pets, or worse, doesn’t believe in animal rights, we wouldn’t be a match.
I won’t have sex before the fifth date. I know, it’s a little cheesy and old-fashioned, but I don’t want to share such an intimate action with someone I don’t really know. There’s not really a magic number on how many dates that takes, but I just know for me, it’s not usually before five.
I could never date someone who doesn’t want children. That has always been a dream of mine.
I will not compromise myself for another person. I did that one too many times, and in the end, I lost sight of who I was because I wanted to mirror the other person.
I won’t censor my opinions. I will say straight up that I'm honest and very blunt, and I say what's on my mind. The truth hurts, and I've had close female friends become enemies because I refuse to censor my opinions around them or their friends.
A lack of ambition would be a deal breaker. I don’t want no scrub!
I don't want to ever feel like I'm losing sight of myself when I'm in a relationship. I want the other person to make me a better person, not change me to fit their mold.
I would never get involved with anyone related to my career. I’ve seen too many friends date a boss or co-worker, and it never ends well. I don’t want to hurt my professional reputation by mixing business with pleasure.
I would not isolate myself from family and friends. I have found that some of my girlfriends drop everything for a guy. Essentially, I would not make someone else a priority when, at the end of the day, it’s a possibility I may just be an option for them.
There are a number of things I would not do for love, but one revolves around my Christianity. I would not convert to a different religion for love.
I will not put my dreams aside for a guy.
I could not be with someone who doesn’t share the same political views as me. My political views are such a fundamental piece of me; they really make up most of my values. I don’t think I’d be compatible long-term with someone who didn’t share my views.
I will not waste my time with a man who wastes his time playing video games. Call me crazy but I want a man, not a boy who spends too much time with his Xbox.
I won’t say “I love you” until I really feel it. I know too many people who say it before they’re sure if they mean it just because their significant other said it first.
I will never sacrifice myself to be who someone else wants me to be. We are all whole, and I do not want or need someone to complete me.
I would never date a person with bad hygiene. ‘Nuff said.
I would never leave a stable and great job to relocate for love without a commitment to get married – not in this economy!
If someone tried to take away my time with my friends or family, I couldn't do it. I would never ask that of someone, so I would not give up my family and friends for love.
I could not date someone who mistreats their family. If they have no respect for their own family members, how are they going to treat me?