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When Two Become One


Noelle Hartman

There are two types of personality at the most basic level – introverts and extroverts. Introverts, who often prefer the company of “me, myself and I”, are often misunderstood. Because their opposing personality type, the extrovert, gains energy from being around other people, the norm has been to assume that an introvert can’t enjoy anything other than being alone. So what happens when an introvert falls in love and is facing “till death do us part?” Promising to live with someone for the rest of life’s days is a scary thought for an introvert. But take it from this self-proclaimed loner, when you’re facing a future with the right person, two definitely ARE better!

When Two Become

The days leading up to my wedding were wonderful, with so much joy and so many memories being created. The excitement to begin a life with Michael, the man of my dreams, was overwhelming. There was one question I was asked a few times throughout our engagement, “what makes you most anxious about getting married?” I had talked with my older sister Natalie after she got hitched, and she said the hardest thing about marriage was losing your alone time. I possess about 10% of Natalie’s outgoing, social personality, which worried me... let me be honest, it terrified me! I decided the answer to that recurring question was indeed losing the time I had to myself. I prayed and wrestled with it throughout our four month engagement. I knew it would be quite a big adjustment and maybe even a struggle, but I knew God had a plan in my new marriage to shape and mold me. Thankfully I love a good challenge!

Here is a little back story so you better understand my apprehension on the matter. Growing up I was considered the token loner kid. I created secret forts inside of bushes, complete with baby dolls and snacks. I rode my unicycle up and down the neighborhood streets for hours. I took my turtle, Toby, for long walks while singing to myself. Running away from home, if only for a couple of hours, to get reprieve from my 3 siblings was a regular occurrence. Needless to say, I loved time by myself.

As an adult, that did not change. When I moved out of my parents’ house I needed roommates to help with the cost of living but the minute I could afford it, I rented a condo just for me. I trained for half and full marathons. The runs that lasted for hours were times alone that I so looked forward to. I was the person you felt sorry for in a movie theatre by herself. It may seem pathetic, but I was utterly content by myself. Now don’t get me wrong; I have always had friends and I do have a social life! But more than most people, I need alone time to recharge my batteries.

My wedding day was the single greatest day of my life. I had a peace that I have never experienced before. Michael and I vowed, in front of God and everyone we love, our adoration and lifelong commitment to one another. The ceremony was performed by both of our fathers and was unbelievably intimate. The reception was full of dancing, toasts and warm embraces. Our hearts were full.

It has only been four short months of marriage. It has been the greatest four months of my life! We married, moved to Montgomery, changed careers, and love each other more through every obstacle. I am still a newbie in this role as a married woman, but I can honestly say that my favorite time is time spent with Michael. I do not crave the solitude I had before marriage, instead, I find myself craving the quality time with him that I have grown to enjoy.

This adjustment to marriage could have been an extremely difficult one. Instead, I have a longing to be with my husband as much as possible! I believe that time is a gift and it goes by extremely fast. The best way to “slow it down“ is to give moments weight by being fully present, whether it is by yourself or with the ones you love. Although I still do like some time to myself, I now prefer time spent with my companion and best friend. Two really are better!

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